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Man I miss high school. I mean I'm only a year gone but I already feel like life is moving on. I already feel the pressure to find a way to make some money. That pressure builds up on the inside and makes me feel like I gotta make some moves. But that pressure also makes me angry just a little bit. A little more angry at times than I wanna be. I feel like I'm growing up too fast and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to start my life. I'm sure I'm not the only person that feels like this.

I also miss being at college. I love home. Home is definitely where the heart is and where the heart belongs. But I miss school. I kinda miss the work. I feel like the work makes me take my mind off of the life that I'm trying to build. I hate that all that comes to mind now is I'm gonna need a job. I'm gonna need to pay for things like a car. But then I'm gonna need gas money. And how can I rent an apartment? How can I go out to eat? How can I be social on the weekend and have a couple beers? All this shit is just piling up on me. I know it's way down the road but damn.

This NBA lockout has got me thinking. Nothing seems to be permanent. I mean this was just one of the best seasons of basketball I have ever seen but yet next season is not going to happen for now. My Lakers didn't even make the conference finals, getting swept by the Mavericks. But they were so good last year. What happened? I guess the only way to explain it is that times changed. Omri Casspi just got traded from the Kings. Dude was a beloved part of the Kings organization, always getting cheers when he stepped onto the court. He could ball too. But he's gone now. It's so weird because this shit is just moving on and I'm standing here trying to figure out where the hell it went. It seems like not too long ago I was standing in front of my new dorm wondering what the year had in store. Now I'm a vet at this college shit, figuring out how to make my dollars stretch a little bit further and living on cheap and slightly gross food. I can't seem to keep still now. Sometimes I wanna get up and just go do something. I don't wanna be trapped anymore. I hate the impending feeling of life to come. I'd rather it just come now so I can face it head on. I want to be ready but I know I'm not. But before I know it I will have to be.

I think I just miss the feeling of having very little responsibility. Now I know that my parents are gonna be there but I have to take care of myself. It's a hard thing to grasp because one day you're just a baby and the next day you're being thrust out into the world. It's definitely on the job training, learning how to live. I don't know how my parents did it. I hope I'll be ready for that.

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