Anger

So I'm angry. But not in the most conventional way of being angry. In a retrospective, internal type of anger. Looking back on something I could have said or done in the past. Realizing that if I would have said or done more in the past maybe this would not have happened. Maybe I could have saved him from his fate, the fate of losing that which many wish they had. Of losing the opportunity to be greater than he might be otherwise. The chance literally to do what a few thousand can do, compared to the billions of people in the world. To be able to take advantage of something and use it to one's own benefit. I feel bad. I feel like I could have done or said something that could have flipped a switch in his head. Maybe if I would have been more serious, or more stern, or demanded better from a person that looks up to me he wouldn't be having this problem. Maybe if I wouldn't have joked about it so much he would have made the change. Maybe if I was there more, even though it is not my responsibility; if I was there more maybe then I could have helped make a change.

What sucks is that I know that this is not my problem. He's not my family and not my responsibility. Not my brother. But I can say that I love him just the same: as a younger brother. As a brother the same way I love the brothers I spent four years growing up with. And because I feel this way, I can't help but feel terrible. And I guess this is just me, my personality. I guess this is another sign towards what I will do with my life. Help people, through my own experiences and my knowledge. To continue to learn. I don't want to hear bad news like this again and know that I could have done something to stop it. It hurts me worse than it hurts that person sometimes and I hate that feeling. I want to feel good for that person, to know that maybe something I did or said helped them along the way to success. And that's what it boils down to: success. Maybe I know things that others don't, that I have to tell them. Overall I think I want him and anyone else to be successful. And because I know I could have done something, I feel like I failed. So I'm angry. Angry at myself, at the situation. What more could I have done to make a change? Anything? Since I didn't I can't help but wonder what if. Lesson of today: do what you can when you know it's right. There will be no regrets in the end.

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Top 10 Teams across all sports

1. Barcelona
I feel like Barcelone, the soccer team is the most perfect team around at this point. Last season, they proved how good they really were, trouncing teams with minimal effort. Every player on the roster, including backups occupy a place on the squad. They play the ultimate team game which can be appreciated by any sports fan. It is truly a lovely site to watch them play their game on the field.
2. Dallas Mavericks
This team has to be high up on the list. A group of veteran players who seemed like they couldn't keep up with the young guns of the NBA. But this team also was willing to play a team game. They stuck together on the court and all played their part to come out on top of the up and coming heat. An excellent team to watch playing.
3. Green Bay Packers
I think I have to go with championship teams first. It's only fair. This team proved last year that they were the best. They beat teams with such high expectations such as the Eagles, the Falcons, and the Bears in consecutive weeks, and came against the Steelers in the Super Bowl and topped them too. An excellent team who came together even when some of the best players were unable to play late into the season. The team was the big story.
4. Philadelphia Phillies
Earlier in the season this title for baseball's best team would have gone to the Giants. But a team which is all bullpen and no bat and is struggling out west, the best team in baseball gets the nod. With plenty of bat power coupled with an all star bullpen, this team appears to be one that is going to the World Series this year.
5. Los Angeles Lakers
I had to do it. I feel like this Laker team has all the talent, they just got tired. They were dethroned by the eventual champs. They felt like they could take it easy until the finals, but other teams were coming after them. But with the best player in the game in Kobe and three other potential all stars, this team has all the talent to win another championship.
6. Miami Heat
I hate to say this but yes the Heat are damn good. It sucks but they came together and with a little more effort from a certain player with all the talent anyone could ask for, this Heat team would have won the NBA championship. Even if they did cheat their way to it, there is no doubting the talent on the roster.
7. Real Madrid
Same as the Heat, I hate to say this. I mean they buy all of their players. They have this galacticos image that they have to keep up and it is important for this club to get all the best players that money can buy. They can have all the talent but teamwork is what trumps everything, as Barcelona displayed.
8. Boston Red Sox
Boston is playing well. Not quite on the level of the Yankees as far as payroll but yes they do have a large payroll. And they are rolling right now. On pace for near or over 100 wins I believe. This may be the team to beat in the American League. A solid bullpen and good bats. If they can continue this play into the postseason good things can happen.
9. Philadelphia Eagles
Philly is doing well on this list. But honestly if all their players can stay healthy that team should be damn near unstoppable. I mean its ridiculous. A lock down corner and two other really good ones. A good d-line. An unbelievable quarterback. A cunning coach. This team better not underachieve this season. Or many people will be disappointed.
10. Manchester United
Rounding out the top 10 is the legendery club, Manchester United with Sir Alex Ferguson at the helm. This team is crazy good. Similar to Barcelona, this team doesn't go out and buy all the best players in the world. They focus on homegrown talent and add pieces where needed. They have plenty of help at all positions. And as long as that new goalkeeper plays well, we may be looking at the Premier League Champ again this year.

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Just an Idea

I think NBA players should really band together and form their own league. Something like the Drew League but with all NBA players and actually serious. I mean think of it: NBA players putting up the cash up front, getting endorsements to wear on their shirts, and a product for fans to see. Fans would gladly go to watch players play in parks or high school gyms. Games would stir up a lot of interest. And players would stay in shape playing against top competition. I think that creating their own league and proving they can play without the owners and possibly make money would be hugely important. I dislike how dumb the owners have been in paying players that don't deserve the money which is making things worse for every player in the NBA. As Bill Simmons notes it's simple. Pay players based on past accomplishments and not on what they can maybe do. If a player is an all star then they get paid like one. If they are an MVP then they get paid even more. This creates an incentive in the league. Potential isn't rewarded; rather it is performance. The NBA product would be much better. But this is off topic. Kinda. Couldn't u imagine NBA players actually playing for something. Playing for pride or fun and not just that paycheck. This is my problem with players going overseas. They will make a ton of money for other billionaires. Why not keep it home. Organize and play. Stick it to the fucking owners. Because if they really want to play then they'd all be for it. And what fans really want to see is basketball. We all miss it and it would be an opportunity for us to see players ball once again. 

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The Kings

The Kings may have just become the new version of the Warriors. As much as I just don't like Jimmer, especially for what he did to my Zags during March Madness, I just feel like he's kind of that missing piece. I mean what was the Kings' real problem during the season? They weren't exactly the most consistent scorers. And honestly it is very hard to improve defense with a squad like that. Plenty of offensive talent, but not enough defensive dedication. So why not add a player like Jimmer. He can shoot the shit out of the ball. I feel like the offense is going to go like this: Jimmer is going to try to bring the ball up, Tyreke is gonna say fuck you Jimmer give me the ball. He's just gonna drive to the hole and get his buckets. DeMarcus is gonna get pissed at some point and begin demanding the ball. And Marcus Thornton and Jimmer will be waiting patiently on the three point line to convert those opportunities. And that they will. Oh and J.J. Hickson. He's gonna be the glue for the team. I can feel it. He was a perfect pickup. Salmons was the opposite of the perfect pickup. He could be another black hole when it comes to ball movement. But the way I figure the Kings need to worry about scoring. I'm saying all their starters should average like 15 points a game. They should capitalize on their offensive firepower and just try to outscore everyone. Jimmer can shoot from like 35 feet so if all else fails just pass him the ball. But if they all don't score or can't figure out how to pick their spots then we are looking at another terrible season from the Kings.

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NFL Lockout Over?

On a day when the NFL lockout is presumed to be ending, forgive me for not jumping for joy. First of all, let me just point out that this deal should have been done months ago. And secondly, I am not happy for two sides whose leaders make a ton of money to have decided how to split extra revenue but still not give anything to the fans.

Honestly what bugs me the most is that the NBA lockout is serious. The NBA is LOSING MONEY. The NFL is not. The NFL is hugely profitable, making somewhere around 8-9 billion dollars per season. That's a lot of money. And the two sides are arguing over the excess. Unlike the NBA, every NFL team is profitable because everyone likes the NFL. Everyone likes football. They should have been able to get this done months ago, but the owners were being selfish, mostly because that's who they are. How else do you become a billionaire if you're not selfish. And because the owners are so selfish, the players are going to get more of what they want. Go figure.

Secondly, everything that the fans have to pay for is staying the same. The owners are getting more money and the players are getting more money. But the fans are getting nothing. The same fans who support the teams. The same fans that could very well stop buying in to the NFL product and the players and owners would have negative revenue. Tickets are still going to be the same, concessions will be the same, and gear will be the same. The fans are the ones who support these people's livelihoods but the fans get screwed in the end. That just seems unfair to me personally. And it seems unfair to every fan of the NFL. So please do forgive me for not being excited over the inevitable.

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Motivation

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what really motivates me. What means so much to me that it will make me do whatever I need to do. It was always soccer for me. I can't play right now, so what is my motivation? I've always felt like a self made man, like I made my fortune as well as my bad luck. I sort of brought everything that happens to me against myself, both good and bad. So I can make up something that will move me to do something. But really what is my motivation? Shit, what is your motivation? What is the motivation of a player like Kobe Bryant? He has all the money he could ever want, money that he couldn't spend in three lifetimes. He's been the best player in the league. So what makes the man keep going? It's honestly a hard question to answer. It's hard for anyone to say what it is that keep them going. I think that for a lot of people, the answer to what is their motivation is success. However that person may measure success, that is the motivation. For me, it has become getting back to being fully healthy. For Kobe it may be to be considered in the class with Jordan. And for you it may be to have enough money to support yourself and your family, to live a comfortable life. I'm not really sure about anything as far as all this is concerned. I just wanna live and live well.

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NBA Overseas

I want to talk for a bit about NBA players deciding to make the jump to go play overseas. The reason I want to talk about it is because I hate. it. Let me clarify. In no way am I mad at the players for giving the finger to the owners and deciding to move halfway across the world to continue playing basketball and make money for some other billionaire. In addition, the players that do make the decision to go will grow their own brand and will more than likely draw in more endorsements, which means more money (like they need it). Of course I don't expect many players to leave and even fewer truly star players. Quite honestly, Deron Williams made a bold choice and he is a leader in this effort to go against the owners. I think it is risky though. Not necessarily a huge risk but it is a pretty big risk. I wouldn't be afraid of the players getting hurt while playing, unless is Amare who gets hurt every season. I think the more violent environment would be the thing to be afraid of. But then again, other countries love our players. They adore the NBA for the most part. So I don't think the players would be in too much danger.

The thing I hate the most is that the players that I love to watch play will be playing somewhere else where I will not be able to see them. The lockout is terrible and it makes me mad to just think about it. But when I think about how some of the players will be playing and I can't watch them, it makes it a lot worse. See here's my thing. I'm all for the players deciding to play basketball because that's what they love to do. They want to stay in shape and play the game they love. I just hate how it is going down. Them being forced out of the league because the owners can't figure out how to spend money. It is quite infuriating. So I'm definitely of two minds about this. I love that the players are going to give a collective fuck you to the owners. I just hate that I won't be able to see them play.

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Video Game

Sometimes I wish life was just like a video game. You turn it on whenever you're ready to play. You pick the game based on what you feel like doing. And you can jump into a world where shit is real but it's not. You can have all the guns you want if you're into that kind of thing and shoot people with no ramifications. And if you die then its okay cause you can come back to life. Me personally, I'd jump into all the sport games, especially NBA 2K11 and FIFA. I could ball alongside Kobe, see if I could take Lebron. And if the game starts to go bad then I can just restart it and try again. Imagine playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour and being able to play against Tiger. Being able to ask him if it was worth it to fuck all those women. That would be awesome. You could raise your stats until you're just as good as him and try to win all the majors. You could win the NBA Championship. You could even win the Champions League. You could choose your destiny and just have fun with it. You could be who you want to be and if it doesn't go right, you can choose something else.

The only problem is, life isn't a video game. Shit is real. There's no reset button. You have to stand up and deal with shit. But see this is why I love life. Cause it sucks and its fucking hard. But whats the point if it's not hard? Everyone gets tired of playing video games that are too easy right? So why not think of life as that long ass video game that's hard to beat but its fun at the same time. And just keep trying to beat the game. As long as you keep pushing through and believing that you can succeed, well, you can.

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A look back at Tony Kornheiser's 1980 profile of Nolan Ryan for Inside Sports magazine - Grantland

A look back at Tony Kornheiser's 1980 profile of Nolan Ryan for Inside Sports magazine - Grantland

The Art of Resilience

Who else is quickly falling in love with the US women's soccer team, metaphorically of course. Isn't this team exactly what u look for in your very own favorite sports team? They're proud, they're resilient, and they're a team. And they don't give a fuck. How often do u see a far less skilled team that is kicked into the dirt dig deep and win? This is why they are the best team. Not for skill but for will. They will themselves to victory like a Kobe or a Michael Jordan. They fight every damn minute that they are out there, fighting for the win. They come through in the clutch and follow through later by proving they are that good, unlike the men's team. And they play as a team. They have their star power, of course, every team does. But their stars lead the team. They push the team. They bring the team up, bring out the best at all times. And this team is damn proud. They know who they are and where they are from and they know what they can do. They play within themselves and that makes them better. They win. And don't u get this vibe that they don't give a fuck? They're just gonna play their game with their own SWAG. And that's dope. See this is what we want in our teams. To see a few better players lead and pick up their teammates. A team that plays like a team. A team that is confident in who they are. And a team that holds their head up and says yes we are here. U gotta go through us. I love that. 

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Who has the influence?

I wish athletes had more of a voice. There used to be days when athletes would always have something to say. They weren't just athletes but they took on the charge of being a role model as well. They decided that they could use their own influence and ideas to affect change in large groups of people. Nowadays, though, athletes stay out of the political arena. While this is probably the most savvy business decision, I feel like I would have a ton more respect for them if they decided to actually stand up and say something. Take Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant for instance. The best players of their generations but they don't say anything. Imagine how many people would listen to them. Imagine how much influence they could have off the court if they would stand up and take a stand. If I had that much clout with people, I damn sure would use it.

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The Beauty of the Game

Today the topic is soccer. The beautiful game. And anyone that can sit and watch it will agree when I say that the game is absolutely beautiful. It is so fluid, yet hard around the edges. So gentlemanly, yet so feisty. If one were to say that soccer can explain the world and different interactions and attitudes with people, I have to say that I agree.

Let's take Barcelona for instance. They are a wonderful squad to watch. Every position is better than their oppositions. Even some of their backups are better. But this is not because they go out and buy the best players. Their players are home grown, straight from their own system. They are coached to play their position and play it well. They are like a well oiled machine when they play. They have no care for what the other team is doing, they just play their game. They possess the ball like no other team I have seen and they connect with one another. Everyone gets a touch on the ball and everyone gets involved. There are so many threats but they all defer to one another. There is no overpowering star personality that brings the team down. They know who is good at what and they trust each other. It is so beautiful to watch them because they don't batter opponents. They don't shove it in their face that they are better. They simply play the game and they get in positions to put the ball in the net. There is so much effort involved but it seems so easy to them. It's the beauty of the game. To put the work in and go out and perform.

Watching the US Women yesterday hit me with a different kind of beauty. The Brazilian squad was obviously the better team. Those women, just like their male counterparts, are the ball. The ball is connected to their feet. But the US Women had something else. A certain spirit, that never say die type of thing. It was wonderful to see them never give up and go out winners. This was no final but it was like a huge hump. They triumphed when they should have failed. That says something about the Americans. How we keep going and never give up. How we think everything is possible. It is a beautiful thing.

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I'm so damn different...and on the NBA

The beauty of life is uniqueness. We are so damn unique that there is often someone who is similar to us in some way. A person or event, either current or in history that has gone through the same unique situation that we are going through at that very moment. So to hold it in and act as if no one can understand what you're going through is ridiculous. There is someone that can help, or at least sympathize. It's important for your sanity to make sure to get shit off your chest. Or else you might go crazy.

Just like I'm going crazy. But not quite because of things I need to get off my chest. I'm going crazy because I'm scared that there won't be an NBA season. I won't get to see Kobe defy his age and the miles on his body and lead his team to a championship, even though we know it's not exactly his team anymore because, well, he's got too many damn miles on his body. I won't get to vote against the Heat for the simple fact that I really don't like the Heat and not that I necessarily don't like Lebron, although I really don't like the egomaniac. As a side note, I just wish Lebron would work his ass off. He has the most talent of anyone I've ever seen play a sport. I mean he was gifted with the perfect body to play whatever position he wanted and he could play practically any sport. He is fast, agile, and coordinated. That's mostly why I don't like him. I feel like he doesn't give his all enough. Only when people piss him off enough or when he has his own agenda. Otherwise I see him disengaged a little bit. Anyways I hope the NBA doesn't lose any time and the players are still paid fairly. Without the NBA there is college basketball and everything but I'm excited for this season. There is so much more parity in the league. I think I really am obsessed with this issue. Whatever, Bill Simmons for commissioner.

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The Struggle

Oftentimes I see people that succeed in life. People that went from nothing to something, but more often people that went from something to something more. My question is, what the hell does that have to do with me? I mean besides having some type of inspiration to reach that status, it is almost a bit demoralizing isn't it? I'm interested more in the struggle to get there more than hearing about people that are super successful. I'm more interested in people that keep on struggling to get better, rather than people that sit on their success. Because someone else's success doesn't teach me anything. But seeing someone who struggles but keeps moving on in life is much more interesting.

Because realistically, all of us in these normal acts of life have to struggle. Aspiring rappers don't look to the mega stars for their inspiration. They look to those up and comings who are just slightly ahead because those guys are going through the same thing and those guys have the passion to look up to. I think this is why people love Michael Jordan and don't love Lebron so much. MJ was the man. He was the best and he knew he was the best. But he never settled on that. He continued to struggle to get better in every aspect of his game. He never sat and relaxed and expected to continue to improve. He put in the time to make sure that he was getting better, to make sure that he could be dependable for his team. Lebron, with all his talent, is never really seen as the guy who works his ass off and struggles. We often see the playful side of him. As fans, we want to see a player that can work his ass off and related to us in that way. Because we all have to struggle through something in our lives. Some things are harder than others. But when we look for role models, we don't want to see someone who takes their success for granted. We want to see the people that see success as temporary and the goal continues to rise. That is the inspiration. The struggle is the inspiration.

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Restless

I figured out what it is with me. I think it's the problem that everyone has. We're all just too damn restless. We have to have something to do, or feel like we have to do something at least. We have to feel like we're preparing for something and feel like we have some sort of purpose. Or else we feel like nothing. We feel restless. We feel like there is energy bottled up on the inside that needs to be released. For me, that energy becomes anger. Terrible anger. Since I've come to the realization that I probably won't be playing soccer again, I've been filled with a certain rage that before soccer could cure. I could go kick a fucking ball, kick it as hard as I could and the anger would subside. My energy would all be spent. But I feel like I'm holding too much of it in.

Everyone goes through a change in their life. Maybe it's for better or maybe its for worse. But whatever it is, it's for a reason. I been trying to figure this out for the longest time and I thought I had it figured out. I mean I knew that I would need to do something else with my life but I didn't know what yet. Well I need to put my energy into something else. There's too much energy that is just waiting to be used. Too much energy turning into anger for me. So I gotta put my heart into something. I think everyone does. Or we become restless. We wanna find an outlet for this excess energy, in whatever form it may take. I just gotta figure out what it is I really want. What is it that means so much to me?

What is it that means so much to you?

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